Monday, July 22, 2013

My Birthday

It has been a roller coaster of emotions the last few days.

Wednesday I went to my doctor (Dr. L) that I haven't seen for 6 months. She didn't know about Amy and I gave her a pamphlet with Amy's Story and told her that she had passed away and the details. I was not able to do this without many tears. Dr. L. is a wonderful doctor and took time with me and also told me that she had a cousin when she was growing up that had CP and SB and how she enjoyed playing with her. This girl passed away in her twenties. Dr. L. said her aunt and uncle said the same thing that I did; time went by so quickly and they weren't ready to let her go yet.  It sounds like this girl needed about as much care as Amy did and her aunt had devoted her life to caring for her daughter. Dr. L told me that it has made her much more compassionate in her life for those that are disabled and have special needs. She was very kind to go beyond her specialty and see if I had support and also if I needed an anti-depressant. She was able to order an MRI on my knee and the results came back that I have a torn meniscus, a Bakers Cyst and fluid in my knee. So I will be seeing an orthopedist and I would imagine surgery, since I have been taking therapy for 2 1/2 months already. 

Thursday I saw my eye doctor and he is another caring doctor. We have gone to him for about 15-20 years, so he also was Amy's eye doctor. He asked how we were doing and more tears came. He has the same faith as I do and he assured me that Amy is happy and with the Lord. That always seems easy to say and I have said it many times also, but it is not so easy to always live that way and not feel the pain of her being gone. 

Friday I was able to work a little bit more in preparing Amy's room for painting. I also got an early birthday present in the mail from my dearest friend in the whole world. She lives four states away now and so I haven't seen her in over a year. I haven't been able to talk to her yet since Amy died, because I will just cry. She knows me so well. She sent me a heart necklace that has "It is well with my soul" engraved on it. Also a little charm with an A. I plan on putting the charm on the necklace with the charm of Amy's fingerprint that my dear sister was able to make with the help of the funeral director.  She also sent me a birdhouse that says Redeemed with this tag:
Life is a patchwork of the wonderful things we keep with us--memories, moments, and connections that serve as daily reminders of where we've come from and who our loving Heavenly Father says we are in  Jesus.  The Redeemed collection celebrates the way God, in His generous grace, sews together every beautiful bit of our lives to form one masterpiece creation after another.   "In all things God works for the good of those who live Him, who have been called according to His purpose.  Romans 8:28
More tears. Tears of joy for such a dear friend who understands what I am going through. 
That evening my daughters and I went to a baby shower for a dear friend who is having a little girl that I wrote about in Amy's Friends Although it was a joyous evening it was also hard for me, remembering my own sweet baby that is in heaven. We stopped at the cemetery on the way home and I was able to cry and let out some of the grief that I had been feeling that day.

So Saturday was the day I turned 55 years old! I told my kids I didn't want any big deal made of it and not even a family gathering. So everyone did something separate for me, which was real sweet as I wasn't expecting even that. I have a wonderful family that loves me very much. I am so blessed by them!

The story behind "It is Well With My Soul."

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