After a tearful and truthful night out with my daughters I realized that I can't keep living in the past. No matter how much I want to be with Amy in heaven, I am still here. They need me. And I need to think about the needs of my family that is still here on earth. I decided every morning before I get out of bed, I will recite Psalm 118: 24 "This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it." And everyday I will try to do something for someone else. I am starting slow, but I am trying.
I also decided to get away from reading 'fluff." That's ok for once in a while, but I need to read stories of people who have gone through trials and still praise God.
I started reading " Evidence Not Seen " A Woman's Miraculous Faith in the Jungles of World War II. It is really interesting and reminds me that others have been through horrible trials and God has been with them.
Something else that touched me this past week was Ann's Blog: APrayer for the Broken Hearted
She says "The secret way to heal a broken heart is to let love leak out like an ocean through all the cracks."
"The best way to tend to your open wounds is to open your arms."
I went to the cemetery and talked to Amy. I know she's not there, but it is a good place to pray and talk to her in heaven. I told her that I needed to start thinking of others. She showed Jesus' love while here in this world and I need to start doing the same.
That's what it was always about with Amy.
I felt her smiles and I knew that this is what she wants me to do. I could hear her laughter in the breeze and I know that she is happy.
|August 2011 in Maine|