"I Will Rise"

As I wrote last time, on Thursday we took our van back to where we purchased it.  It was a three hour trip, one way,  so I decided to drive the van one last time and my husband took the car. He was listening to an audio book and I purposely took 3 of Amy's favorite CD's to listen to.  The soundtracks to "Spirit" and "Tarzan" and her favorite Chris Tomlin CD. I cried most of the way there; some tears in sorrow and some in joy. I listened to "Spirit" first and cried when I remembered what my daughter had posted about Amy in her blog.

http://emily-alittleseed.blogspot.com/2013_07_01_archive.html

Then I listened to Chris Tomlin. Some of you know Amy's whole story, but for those who only know of her through this blog I will relate another time that Amy and I "sang" at church together.

We had already sung twice before this time. I don't know why I got the idea of taking Amy onstage with me when I sang, even with the steps and the difficulty of getting her heavy wheelchair up there, but I knew that she should be beside me. As "Her Story" above tells of the first time we sang "Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone" I told about Rett Syndrome; the next time  we sang "Victory in Jesus" I told about her salvation. I thought that would be the last time she would sing with me, but Amy had other ideas.

I was humming a tune one day when I was caring for her and she kept blinking, trying to tell me something. I asked her if she liked the song? "Yes." I couldn't even remember the name of it. It was  just a tune stuck in my head. I asked her if she would like me to sing the words? "Yes" So I got on the computer and did a little trial and error. I knew it had to be Chris Tomlin since she liked his songs. I was able to realize that I had been humming "I Will Rise." I wasn't even familiar with the song that much so I printed out the words and along with "You Tube" music I sang the song to Amy. She loved it and continued to  blink so much. "I asked her if she was trying to tell me something? "Yes" Did she want me to sing this for church? She just stared at me and then it came to me--Do YOU want to sing this for church? Many blinks--"Yes."  So I was on the schedule to sing in a few months and this is what we practiced. When the time came, it happened to be the week of her 30th birthday and I had laryngitis, so our Assistant Pastor agreed to sing it for me, with Amy's approval. She approved! I knelt down beside her while he sang, so I could hold her hand. She looked at the audience and was so "into" the song that she even closed her eyes for a time. It really was as if she were singing the words. 

I will never forget that day. It was only about a year before she died. I wonder if she knew. If the Lord had told her that her life would be short on this earth and that she soon would be falling on her knees before the Lord and hearing the angels sing. I won't know until I can talk to her in heaven. I won't have to rely on the questions and the blinks of her beautiful eyes. We will be able to talk. I wonder what her voice will sound like? I can't wait to hear her sing this song for herself in praise to the Lord!

Well, more tears on the trip, but good tears. I continued on the journey and last listened to "Tarzan." One of the favorites that I would sing to her was "You'll Be in my Heart."

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more
You'll be here in my heart, always
Always

I finally got the van to http://www.mitscorp.com/ and I was able to let it go. My husband and I decided to drive back through the country instead of the busy turnpike and we enjoyed a nice drive and were able to talk. Our youngest daughter and a friend were visiting Gettysburg that day and we actually ran into them on the way home and ate together at a nice restaurant. A good ending to the day. I felt God wrapping His arms around me and I was at peace.