I don't know what Laura did after Mary left, but I am trying to turn my sorrow into praise! When I open the curtains in Amy's room I praise God for the beautiful flowers that are blooming. I praise Him for the birds that are eating at the bird feeder, and any cats that I might see from her window. I praise Him for the weather, if it is sunny, cloudy, rainy or like today hazy, hot, and humid. I praise Him for the years that we had Cocoa and that he was such a good pony. I was Amy's voice and I can still be her voice through praise to God for everything that I would have told her!
I still have great moments of sadness. Yesterday, I saw her van go by that would usually pick her up and drop her off from her day program. I just collapsed into sobbing, wishing they would turn in and bring my Amy home to me just one more time. I have moments like these, but I also have moments of, well, I can't really call it joy, but maybe a peace or contentment in my heart.
The month of May is drawing to a close. It is really hard to believe that this year is almost half over. My father-in-law died the first of the year and Amy got sick the end of February. Our family has changed so much in just a few short months.
I do praise God that we had Amy for 31 years. It is the last month of her life that is hard to praise Him for. I want to share that last month at some point, but I am not ready to relive that yet.
I'll continue to look for God's blessings in the little things. The beautiful colors of my flowers, the joyful song of the birds, the crazy cat's moody disposition, good books to read, music to bless my heart, hugs from friends, and a loving family that is supporting me.
One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I believe this with all my heart. I know in the future I will have joy.