I've had a couple of days that have been hard for me. I don't know why. My youngest daughter took me to see Iron Man Wednesday night and we had a good time, laughing and enjoying the movie. She helped me work outside on Thursday and I planted a few flowers yesterday also, but I want my joy back. I think all the talk of Memorial Day is weighing on me. All the fake plastic flowers at the end of the check out aisles at Wal Mart make me want to scream. I want to stop crying so much and start feeling good again.
I've been reading in Matthew about all the healing that Jesus did to the people at the time He was here on the earth and I know that Amy got the ultimate healing. But I want my Amy here now. Not sick, not with a feeding tube and a tracheotomy tube and oxygen machines and suction machines and feeding machines. That was the last month of her life. I want her here the way she was for 31 years of her life, still handicapped but my sweet Amy. Who talked with her eyes and her smiles and I could hold her and love her. I miss her so much.
A friend of mine had this on her blog:
In the end, there are no answers, at least not any that I've found. I must put my questions and sadness in the hands of a Father who is always good, always loving, always here. I must let go of what-ifs and wonderings and move on with the memories tucked securely in my heart and an eternal hope firmly planted, a faith that is often against my feelings. to see blog click here
I'm so glad that my faith doesn't depend on my feelings.
Here are some happier times I want to think about right now.
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| Christmas 2012 |
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| Christmas 2011 |
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| Our new to us accessible van 2010 |
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| New Hair cut 2010 |
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| With Grandaddy 2007 |
I am so grateful for that kind of faith, too, Cheryl. It is something that I struggle with-fighting my fickle emotions and standing firm on a never changing faith. So grateful for that, and thank you for that reminder. Love these pictures of Amy. As always, I am thinking about you and praying for you. <3
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