Facebook Memories

If you are familiar with Facebook you will know that they have an "On this day" or "Memories" post to tell you what you posted on Facebook on that specific day for as long as you have had a Facebook account.

Many of my memories bring joy, such as seeing my daughters wedding pictures and pictures of grandkids but some bring sorrow and pain. Some of those that cause grief are of loved ones who are no longer with me or events in my life that has changed, or friendships that have grown distant. I have been aware for the last 5 years now that come the end of February Amy's illness, hospitalizations, and death will be there for me to see. I know that this feature can be "turned off" for a set amount of time or perhaps permanently but I clung to them even though they caused me such pain. But each year it gets a little easier to read and accept what has happened in my life.

Today I received this along with my other memories of the day:

February 15, 2013 9:01PM

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body." 2 Corinthians 4: 7-10

That was all. No comment. Nothing. Just a shared verse.

So I was wondering as to what prompted me to post this verse 6 years ago.

My first recollection of those verses grabbing ahold of my heart will take some explanation. In January 2001 my oldest daughter was in college and she was taking a trip to Israel for college credit. I was able to go along on the trip with the 30 -40 students, 3 professors and a few other adults. I had recently just started studying the Bible, not just a devotion, but actually studying it. One of the professors I really enjoyed talking to as he was so knowledgeable about the Bible. I shared about my life with him and about Amy as we were walking down the hill on the Mount of Beatitudes toward the Sea of Galilee. He shared about his wife. She was very sick battling cancer at that time. Yet he went half way around the world to teach his knowledge of the Holy Land with his college students. He was the kind of man who radiated God's love. When we got back to the college and as we were gathering up our stuff the professor's wife came and they just held each others eyes for the longest time with no words before they embraced.  You know, some memories are engraved in our minds forever and that is one of them.

Soon after that he started a blog. It really wasn't a blog because there was no Facebook or blogging back then, but it was an online diary that he was sharing with others about his wife's illness and how the Lord was working in their lives. When the time came when his wife passed away, the verses he posted were 2 Corinthians 4:7-10. I was so shocked! How could he not feel crushed, or in despair, or forsaken, or even destroyed? He had such a strong faith. I really admired that and wanted the same. The rest of the verse says how.. "always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."

So I kept on studying the Bible, I kept on trying to live my life for the Lord, taking care of my family and especially my precious Amy. I never forgot those verses and when Amy died I asked the Pastor to use those in her service and two days after she passed away I posted those same verses on Facebook and also added, "Thanks to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."

So why did I post those verses on Facebook eleven days before Amy was ill and taken to the hospital? I will never know what was on my mind then, but this morning it blessed my heart because I know that God was preparing me six years ago for what I was to face in the weeks ahead. Through the wisdom and faith of a friend eighteen years ago and through the strength of God's words I was able to praise Him through the storm that was to come.

Psalm 139

I got an email from Google saying that they were removing the comments from my bogger account. I didn't know if it was true or not so I decided I needed to back up all my posts so I would have a copy of them just in case. It was something I should have been doing all along, but just didn't take the time to do it. Usually when I finish a blog post, I am pretty drained and don't want to spend any more time on the computer. So yesterday afternoon and evening I copy and paste, copy and paste, all of my posts and pictures. So many tears! Although I didn't take the time to reread them all, I did read some of them. I enjoyed seeing the pictures and it didn't hurt as much as it used to, but the memories still flood back of the last 37 years! 
This led me to my daughter's blog as I had shared hers a few times. That's when the tears really came. Reminding me of the pain she has gone through also. All of my children have grieved the loss of their sister. My son and oldest daughter each have a spouse to share their pain (and joys) with. Emily is still single, still lives at home with us. Even though she was away for five years at college she has been home for six years now. 
Bill and I moved into Amy's bedroom downstairs, soon after she passed away. Emily had the whole upstairs to herself consisting of three bedrooms, a library room and a bathroom for most of the last six years.  In my last post I shared that a young girl was moving in with us.  Even though there is 10 years difference in their ages she has been such a blessing to us. Lately I have heard singing and laughter upstairs again. I have realized how Emily has missed having a sister to share her life with. Even though Amy was older than Emily, in so many ways she was her little sister. 
I took the time to read all of Emily's blog posts since Amy died. Her next to last post was April in 2016 and this is a portion of what she wrote:

A acquaintance posted a link yesterday that touched me more than she will ever know. It was on Psalm 139. Such precious words and promises! I read it to Amy and the family the last Sunday we spent together when we sang and worshipped in her bedroom with flowers and balloons and sunshine all around. The video showed just a part of the Psalm, but was so beautiful because of the precious people who quoted it! Here is the link to watch it… 

Psalm 139

It made me miss her so much more. Fearfully and wonderfully made, The body that made her so unique is no more. Words have come to her lips and strength to her legs. Yet her eyes still sparkle and her infectious giggle is probably bringing smiles to all! She was beautiful and she will continue to be until we see her face to face!

I watched the video and cried so hard, but yet was rejoicing in my heart because God gave us Amy  and so I have love for each of those sweet ones in the video. Because God gave us Amy and took her back to Himself each of my children have love for special needs people also. 

A few weeks ago I started a Bible study on Job. I haven't read Job since Amy died, but God knew I needed it now. I am ready to hear the horrible "comforting" of his so-called friends and see through some of his pain and understand it better now that I have had some distance from my own. I wanted to share just a few thoughts from the first chapter of the study book and video. "God didn't remove His hand of protection from Job, He said, "Here he is." What happened to Job wasn't punitive but a promotion! God wasn't punishing Job but giving him a promotion. It was a position of honor. He knew Job! He knew he wouldn't curse Him no matter what! He knows us too. He knows what's in our hearts. 

Job 1:20-22

 Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped.  He said,

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.

Did you catch that Job worshiped? 

Another thing that was brought out that really blessed me was the authors interpretation of Job's wife. She is never named but is constantly given a bad rap because of one question and one exclamation. The only thing she says in the book.

Job 2:9-10

Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!” But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?”

"To be fair, Mrs. Job had more than enough reasons to rail against God. Those seven sons and three daughters were her children too. Her grief was surely at least as deep as Job's. Her mother's heart had been shattered into a million , jagged pieces, which had sheared off her joy and every bit of faith she had in the goodness of God.....At that point Mrs. Job just lost it.....Job simply said she was being foolish. And who knows but what he pulled her into his bleeding arms when he said it, because he of all people knew the raw grief that incited her rage. Then he articulated the most brilliant sound theological position one could ever assume in the midst of suffering: "Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?"  Taken from pages 25, 26 of "JOB, A Story of Unlikely Joy", by Lisa Harper

Please take the time to watch the video.
 Psalm 139
Amy would have been the girl in the wheelchair who couldn't speak. She also wouldn't have been able to hold the sign but it would have been pinned to her shirt or someone would have held it for her. But I'm sure in her heart she would have been singing the words!
Here is the complete Psalm 139. It is so awesome if you have the time to read and study the whole thing. 

Psalm 139 1-24

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.

For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.

O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.