Quite a few years ago Emily and I and some close friends from Michigan visited a beautiful cemetery that was almost like a park. It had hills and was set on the edge of a large pond or river with winding roads and little houses for the mausoleums. We saw a grave of a child that was all decorated for his/her birthday. (I don't remember if it was a boy or girl.) I thought how strange this was. Didn't the relatives realize that the child is no longer there, but in heaven with Jesus?
I also remember a televised news report of a mother who was accused of killing her child and the reporters showed her at the cemetery and she had balloons and was having a party. I was appalled at that! I knew right away she must be guilty to be doing such a awful thing! I think it turned out later that she was guilty.
I never thought I would be one of those people who put importance on the grave site. Then Amy died........
and my views on a lot of things in life changed.
On Thursday, Bill and I went to the cemetery and he helped me dig out the wreath from under the snow and cut the wires that were holding it on. There is only 5 or 6 inches of snow left, but it is very hard snow. I had never seen the little sweater that my sister knitted for Tinkerbell, as it snowed right after Tess put it on her and she has been covered ever since!
|The Tinkerbell ornament that hung on the wreath on Amy's grave.|
I wrapped the vine of flowers and butterflies that Tess used in her wedding around the tombstone. Bill helped me wire it on so it wouldn't blow away.
|Tess put an ornament on for Christmas that says "Sisters Forever" on it.|
I cried so hard, like I haven't for quite awhile. It was so difficult, to know that we weren't going to have a party with cake and candles, that Amy loved so much! I know that she is partying with Jesus. If He knows the very number of hairs on our head, then I do believe that He thinks we are important enough that there will be some kind of celebration in heaven on the day we were born. People tell me to try to think how happy she is, and I do. It is just so very hard on certain days to not miss her here in my life.
Bill left for Andros Island on Friday. He is going to be gone 9 days this time. Last Sunday, in church, a video was presented that showed photos of what the men did last year. Amy was is the hospital the whole time they were there. The video was dedicated to Amy and this is the picture I chose to give them to post at the end.
She looks so happy here and at peace. The wind blowing her hair, making her shut her eyes, but she is enjoying it. I can tell by the smile on her face.
So Bill left Friday and Saturday I went to buy a helium balloon for Amy's grave. On a whim I bought a flag stand with a flag of a cross and butterflies and flowers on it.
This is the helium balloon I bought. I got one that says "Happy Birthday Princess". Amy was a princess here in this life and I know that now she is a real princess in heaven.
The ground is still frozen and the snow is really hard, but I was able to get the flag stand into the snow. When everything thaws, I'll be able to get the items into the ground. I know the balloon won't last very long, but I felt good to be able to "give" Amy something.
So with Bill away, the girls and I decided to not be here for a few days. We are driving five hours to spend four days at the beach. It might be cold and I don't expect to get in the water, but it will be something different for us to do.
I stopped at AAA yesterday to pick up a map. There was a young girl there in a wheelchair. She was all smiles when I said hello and told her that I used to have a daughter in a wheelchair. I showed her my brochure of Amy's Story with Amy's picture on the front and told her that she was my daughter. She smiled some more. I told her dad that he could have the brochure and read her Amy's story. He told me that they were in AAA getting the title for a accessible van for his daughter. I told him that we had had one and it was the great! I noticed that she had her coat on the way I would wear it on Amy sometimes, with her arms stuck in the arm openings, but with the back in the front to cover her up in the chair. I smiled and wished them well. I got my map and then retreated to my car and had a good cry. She was so sweet, it made me miss Amy so much.
Amy is celebrating with her Grandma and Grandpa, I know they are loving seeing her talk and run and sing!
Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.
I can't imagine what this first birthday will be like for you, but I will be thinking of you every minute of the day. I'll sit and watch the waves come in and out and remember...........
of the time we will see each other once more and you will smile at me again, but you will also be able to say, "I love you, Mom." And we'll sing praises together as God holds us in the palm of His hand.