Seven Months

Tomorrow will be seven months since Amy went to live in heaven.

My mom just sent me this email. She is 83 years young and always types in capital letters. She is amazing that she is able to understand her computer and be able to communicate with her daughters and her friends like she does. Here is what she said:

"I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU ABOUT WHAT I FELT THE LORD WAS SHARING WITH ME, THE OTHER NIGHT WHEN I COULD NOT GET TO SLEEP.  I HOPE I CAN PUT IT IN THE RIGHT WORDS.
THE LORD BROUGHT AMY HOME TO BE WITH HIM AS A BLESSING TO HER. FOR NOW SHE CAN DO ALL THE THINGS WHEN SHE WAS EARTH BOUND  SHE COULD NOT DO.  ALSO THAT HE, IN DOING SO, GAVE YOU A BLESSING TOO. FOR NOW YOU ARE ALSO FREE TO BE ABOUT DOING OTHER THINGS FOR HIM.  I HOPE I HAVE PUT IT IN THE RIGHT WORDS....IT JUST CAME SO CLEAR TO ME, THAT IN BRINGING AMY HOME, HE WAS GIVING BOTH OF YOU HIS BLESSINGS."

I love my mama so much for being able to tell me this. I have been feeling what she voiced lately, but yet I feel guilty for even thinking that Amy's death was a blessing.
For thirty-three years I have been a mother and that has been my occupation. I also added wife, homeschool mom of three, secretary for our home business, and of course cook, maid, and nurse to my occupation. But overall I was mother and caretaker of Amy. That's all I've know for that last thirty-one years. 

Now, my time is mostly my own. 

I've had knee surgery and have healed well from that. 

I'm still trying to heal from my heart surgery.  

I'm trying to lean on the Lord for wisdom in directing my life. 

I have not been involved in any church ministry for the last 7 months but God clearly told me about two months ago to tell our church about  Compassion International.
So three weeks ago I got up in front of the church and explained about our two children we sponsor and how others could sponsor a child also.
I felt good about doing this. I knew that God wanted me to do it and I knew that Amy would have been proud of her mom for sharing about the needy and poor. Because of her, I had the courage to share with others. And because of Amy 9 more children got sponsors and will not be suffering anymore from hunger or lack of education. Most important, these children and their families will hear the good news of Jesus. 
He is what makes all the difference in a person's life. In my life and in Amy's. Because of Him, I know I will see my precious daughter again and we will have eternity to share together. 
So tomorrow...... I will try to get through my day as I always do. I'm sure there will be tears and pain, but there will be hope also. Because of Jesus. 

Missing Amy

Last weekend we visited my husband's sister. The last time we visited her Amy was with us. We had a good time, as we always do. I reminded Amy of what a good cook her aunt was. When we arrived she had soup and salad waiting for us. Not one of Amy's favorites! So we had a good laugh about that and then she redeemed herself by fixing Amy's favorites the rest of our time there. Before we left we stopped at the sewing shop where she works and Amy and her aunt got their picture together. 

October 2012

This time, there was no Amy with us. This time, was so different. We took a detour and stopped at a young friend's house. She and her husband just had a new baby, one month old on the day we visited. This was one of the friends of Amys that I talked about in Amy's friends. It was such a joy to hold a dear one month old little girl. I was close to tears many times, thinking of all of life that the new mommy has ahead of her with her sweet precious daughter.

We have visited my sister-in-law more frequently over the last ten years than we did before and I feel that Amy had a bond with her aunt. She was always up here for Christmas every year and there was a closeness between them. 

We also always went to church and so I knew many of the people there. One girl I have know since birth and I have enjoyed watching her grow through the years. She is a young lady of 17 now and I talked to her after the morning service and asked her if her mom had told her about Amy and she said yes. Then she asked if she could sit with us that evening. Of course I said yes. God knew I needed that comforting soul sitting next to me. Every time the preacher prayed she put her hand on mine and when we stood to sing the last hymn she put her arm around me. The solo that was sung that night was one I hadn't heard since Amy was little. It was by Ron Hamilton. I couldn't find it on You Tube, but here are the words.

Wings As Eagles

When the race still lies before me,
And the wind is blowing strong,
When the witnesses surround me,
And my strength is almost gone;
When the valley plunges deeper,
And life shatters all my dreams,
Then I lift my voice to Jesus,
And He gives my spirit wings.
God gives wings, God gives wings as eagles;
God gives wings to fly and strength to rise above.
God gives wings, God gives wings as eagles,
When my feet begin to stumble,
And my dreams begin to crumble,
I mount up on eagles’ wings.
Let us run the race with patience,
Let us lay each weight aside,
Looking only unto Jesus;
He will be our faithful Guide.
He has run the race before us;
He has won the victor’s crown.
And He calls to ev’ry Christian.
Follow me to higher ground.

This song touched my heart so much. I would have dissolved into tears right there, but I didn't want to upset the young lady sitting with us, so I was able to keep it in. It was the reminder that I needed.

 Isaiah 40:31
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles:
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not be faint.”

We got another picture this year, in front of the new quilt that Amy's aunt made. 

Missing Amy.

Always missing Amy.