Christmas

I was hoping to post more about Amy's last month and I was even hoping to get her whole last month posted before Christmas, but that isn't going to happen. It was harder than I realized to remember her last month and this is not an easy time of year as it is, let alone bringing back memories of the worst time in my life. I guess I just thought if I could tell you all about it, maybe I wouldn't have to think about it again. 

Well the busyness of the Christmas season has occupied much of my time and I actually try not to think about years past and traditions that we are not doing this year. I have even avoided listening to Christmas songs, when I have a choice, as it is just too hard. 

But there were some highlights of the past two weeks that brought joy (and a few tears).... going to a cookie exchange and getting to hold a little baby for awhile. I showed him the lights on the Christmas tree and I shed some tears as I remembered Amy staring at our tree and the special lights I would  put up in her room.....attending a ladies Christmas party and getting to hold another wee little one, but this time there were no tears and I enjoyed singing some carols and visiting with my friends.....short visits by two doctor friends that knew Amy (but didn't treat her) and each gave me words of comfort........hugs from 5 special children that my oldest used to babysit. They are so grown up now, but each still gave me a hug.....Showing my daughter-in-law how to make our family's special "Jesus Birthday Cake.....Christmas greetings in the mail.....working on a special surprise for my husband for Christmas. We already agreed to not get each other any gifts. but I'm making this, so it doesn't count!

This morning in church we were singing carols and this memory flashed through my head. Every night in the month of December Amy and I, and whoever else might be here, would sing through the Christmas section in the hymnal.  We would sing at least one song, sometimes two or three if Amy wasn't really tired. So as I thought of those special times the tears started. Then our song leader said that all the angels in heaven are singing with us right now even though we can't hear them. Wow! I could hardly keep the sobs inside. 

We said our "Merry Christmas' and goodbyes" to  our friends as we are leaving for my childhood home about 1000 miles away on Wednesday. We don't plan on coming back for about 3 weeks. We are visiting some friends and celebrating Christmas with my 83 year old parents. It is just too hard to be in this house where we have celebrated every Christmas of Amy's life. I am glad that our family and friends are willing to let us spend some time with them.

I have finished my study of Romans. In Chapter 15 these verses really meant a lot to me:

^{Verse 4 "}For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope."   

^{Verse 13} "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

That's what I'm praying for in the next couple of weeks.... that I will be able to have hope and joy and peace. 

I won't be blogging while I am gone, but I do plan on finishing the story of Amy's last month of life on this earth when we get back in January.

I found this poem and wanted to share it with you. I don't know who wrote it.

Christmas With the King

I see the countless Christmas trees, around the world below

With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular; please wipe away your tears,

For I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the Christmas songs that people hold so dear,

But the sound of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.

For I have no word to tell you, the joy their voices bring,

For it is beyond description to hear an angel sing.

I can’t tell you the splendor or the peace here in this place.

Can you imagine Christmas with our Savior, face to face?

I’ll ask Him to light your spirit, as I tell Him of your love,

So then pray for one another as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful, and let your spirit sing,

For I’m spending Christmas in Heaven

And walking with the King.