Six Months

Today Amy's daddy and brother planted two butterfly bushes and placed a bench, shaped like a butterfly, between them at the developmental center where Amy used to attend. She loved going to "school." She had wonderful people who worked with her and took care of her.

This dear lady was one of her best friends, because her teachers were her friends, also. They seemed to have a special connection and I knew I never had to worry when Amy was out of my sight. 
I will never be able to thank her teachers enough for  doing "more" than their job. They loved her, too.

So tomorrow will be six months. Six months since I held Amy in my arms and gave her a kiss. Six months since I picked up her lifeless body and placed it lovingly on the gurney for the undertaker to take her away from her home forever. I knew that she really wasn't with us anymore. That she was with Jesus, but oh how I wish I would have waited just a little longer. Held her a little closer and treasured the feel of her against me. I can never have that again in this world.

When I fall apart the most is when I look at her pictures, at her smiling beautiful face and remember, just remember how special she was.

My three daughters and I in Maine ten years ago.

This week I was glancing at a picture of her and her sisters on the wall and I cried myself to sleep that night.
The next day it just came to me that Amy will never be in their weddings. It about wrenched my heart out. 
Just when I seem to be doing good, a memory will come, or a thought, and it tears me to pieces.

But most of the time, I am doing good. Life continues and I am getting stronger. When I get real down, I try to think what I can do to help someone else. It might just be sending a card, or making a gift, but it does help to think of others.

Amy taught me so much just by living, but she has taught me also in her death. 

I take life slower. 
I let myself enjoy my family and friends. 
People are more important than things.
This life is not all there is.
This life is nothing compared to eternity.
God's Word has power, to strengthen me.
Prayer is a wonderful way of talking to my best friend, Jesus. 

I'm sure as time goes on, God will teach me more about Amy's life and her absence from my life here.