Surrender

For the last few years instead of a New Years resolution I have chosen a word for the year. I pray about what word I will choose because I want it to be something that God will direct me to be aware of in my everyday life. I think about my special word all throughout the year. I see where it is used in scripture and when that word comes up in anything I read or sing. The words I have chosen over the past 5 years are mercy, grace, joy, prayer, and community. 

So, since Christmas, I have been once again wondering what word the Lord will direct me to.

I just started studying the book of Proverbs and so I thought about the word listen, as this word is used quite often in Proverbs. That is an area of my life I could really use some work in! So I was thinking that I would choose that word but God had other plans. 

I was really praying during the worship service last Sunday that somehow He would confirm the word, listen. Pastor Brant preached on the Twenty-third Psalm and my heart was thinking Shepherd. That kind of defines my job right now as Grandma babysitting my grands and I need to remember that they are little lambs that need guidance. They have lots of my love, that comes naturally, but I need to remember the guidance and not so much the spoiling. Then after the sermon we sang this song.

Surrender

I need the One who holds tomorrow
To give me peace about today
You never said this would be easy
God give me faith to say

I will walk through the flames and I will praise Your name
I surrender, I surrender all
I won’t wait for the mountaintop, I’ll claim You here
I surrender all to You

So I won’t worry about tomorrow
I will give my all today
My life I live to make a difference
God give me strength to say

I will walk through the flames and I will praise Your name
I surrender, I surrender all
I won’t wait for the mountaintop, I’ll claim You here
I surrender all to You

Give me faith that moves the mountains
A perfect love that casts out fear
God I know You'll never leave me
You’re here with me to stay

I will walk through the flames and I will praise Your name
I surrender, I surrender all

I surrender all,

I surrender all

All to thee my blessed Savior, I surrender all

You can listen to our service with this link. The song is at 1:16:33.

Martinsburg Grace Brethren Church

God was impressing upon my heart that I should choose the word Surrender. But I wanted to give it more time. It was still a few days until the new year, and besides I didn't have to have my word by New Years Day!

I looked surrender up on Blue Letter Bible. Even using different versions it isn't used in the Bible but a few times and then it only refers to surrendering in a battle. The Hebrew and Greek words they use mean “to deliver, give up, give over, give into the hands of another.”  I wasn't sure. Did I really want to "surrender" every day?

Then I read this article:

Hindsight, Eyesight, and Insight

and Ravi Zacharias said,

“Twenty-twenty vision calls for us to see clearly what ultimately matters and not be blinded by things temporal. A daughter who went all too early and a diagnosed fatal disease are sobering reminders to love while we have the opportunity. It is in surrendering to God that we win, and it is in dying to self that we live. For ultimately, we look forward to a destiny where He who defines love will hold us accountable.” 

He who defines love will hold us accountable. That sealed it.

Surrender is my word for this year. Can I possibly do anything but surrender to my Lord's will for everything He brings daily into my life in 2020? 

Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee

The year 2019 will soon be over and I almost made it through this holiday season without tears.  Almost!

So a few updates on the last couople of months first. 
Life has been so crazy busy! In September we had a wonderful two week vacation in Nevada, Arizona and Utah, visiting the Grand Canyon and all of the Utah National Parks and a few of the National Monuments and Historic Trails, too. We rented an RV and this year we had a Class B 20 ft. Van. It was perfect for just the two of us. It was great and many memories were made.

In October Emily and I drove up to Maine to visit my mom and family who live with her up there. It was really good to see them. Mama is 89 years young! 

We celebrated Bill's, Brad's, and Will's birthdays in October.

Bill turned 69.

Brad turned 38.

Will turned 5, and he blew out his candles so fast that no one got a picture!

Since then, the time has just flown by. We are trying to do some remodeling in this old farmhouse (built in 1912). It's never an easy thing as we completely remodeled it when we were first married and very young. As the years passed we needed more space and so we added on and let others do most of the work. Now we are trying to repair what 42 years has done to some of the upstairs bedrooms. We want to make a kids playroom and a decent guest room. We are trying to do it ourselves and we are a lot older now! We took a break before Thanksgiving, for hunting season,  Christmas tree sales, and holiday preparations. Come the first of the year we will start back up again and we'll see what we can accomplish this winter. The grandkids are only getting older and noisier and need a space of their own away from the living room. Actually you all know that it is Grandpa and Grandma who need the quiet and extra space, not the children!

Emily had a birthday and so did the youngest Samuel who is now 2. 

We took the boys on the Santa train and out to eat for Emily's birthday.

The train coming in viewed from above. The boys heard it before they saw it!

This advent season has been difficult. The first week of HOPE,  I started getting sick. A head cold that went to my chest and lingers still. The second week of PEACE,  I felt frustration more than anything. I was behind with decorating and making presents. The third week of JOY I was struggling to find it. I was spending time with the Lord in prayer and study of His word every day but I just wanted to feel His ecstatic bubbly joy. 
Then I read a newsletter by a favorite author, Jane Kirkpatrick. I had forgotten that in her last news she had mentioned that her husband had cancer (he is the same age as Mama) and they were temporarily moving to a different state to be closer to where he was getting his treatments. So here is an excerpt...

"We are blessed... I look at what we brought with us. Art mostly, special works that bring our life from the ranch,  ...quilts to hang and cover us,  a painting of the Columbia River hills with "Wait. Trust. Surrender" written below the scene. That's now hanging in a place where I can see it every day. Words of wisdom... 

This season we invite you to do the same. Wait for the moments when the light of Jesus comes into your day. Trust that God is with you. Surrender to the unknown, to uncertainty and hold close the promise that God is love and love heals either in this life or the next."

website: jkbooks.com 

"Wait for the moments when the light of Jesus comes into your day." I felt these words were written just for me! I realized that I had moments of joy, I just needed to realize that sometimes moments are better than constant joy. Giggles when a baby's tummy is tickled and the silly things that preschoolers say, cards from friends and kittens sitting on top of the nativity by our door. I started to see the joy around me in what God was providing for me. The fourth and final week of Advent is LOVE. God was pouring out His love for me and I was seeing it clearly. 
Bill and I, each of our kids and spouses and children went to church on Christmas Sunday. Even our "adopted" daughter, Sarah, was home from college. I held the hands of the oldest grands during singing, we all gathered for a photo under the tree, but a part of me still felt like we're not complete. Because a part of me is not here. Amy was always there beside me, I was always holding her hand. 

How can my hands be full of these special ones, but yet feel empty? Like someone is missing?

We celebrated Christmas with the family on Monday and we had a wonderful time. With 4 children under 5 it was a lively time full of laughs and a few melt downs! My table was full of food and people and so was my heart.

Tessa is taking the picture.

But there was still moments that I felt that Amy should be here. I should see her smiling face. She loved Christmas so much!  I am happy but I'm beginning to realize that I will always feel like someone is missing. But I did not shed any tears and I'm starting to believe that maybe time does heal.

Then I read this story to Will and Micah before they went home. I had gotten it out with the stack of Christmas books but had yet to read it this year and I don't remember reading it last year either to the kids.

 

Inside was this message to James when he was 8 years old from my parents. The tears came, pretty ugly tears for 2 little ones to see. Life is so fleeting! Daddy's gone and Mama will join him sometime soon. My little 8 year old boy is now 30 with boys of his own. Where have the years gone? "Everlasting to everlasting." Oh I praise God for the heritage I have been given here on earth and through Jesus Christ for life eternal....everlasting.

Then God showed His love for me in yet another amazing way that brought tears.

Our Christmas Eve service was very special to me as Emily was singing in the choir. Our first song was an ensemble of drums. Wow! After years of being in a church that frowned on drums this was fantastic! Of course I knew that the music to sing with the drums would be "The Little Drummer Boy." Wrong.  Emily glanced at me and once again those tears started because who would have thought you could put Beethoven's 9th and Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee with those drums. 

Amy loved listening to Beethoven and this was the first song that was sung at her funeral. 

God has given me so very much to be thankful for. I think I will always have times of sadness until I go to my eternal home. But I know He loves me and I know I will have many times of great JOY also. 

This is a link to the beginning of the song from church.

https://www.facebook.com/mgbconline/videos/587441605408525/?t=1

A Belated Merry Christmas to all and A Blessed New Year!