Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus

Monday mornings are my day for laundry and paperwork. Two of the tasks I dislike the most so I get them done the first of the week. Owning a small family business and being the one in charge of the finances I consistently tried to do the bookwork every single week. It was something Daddy taught me throughout the years, but I believe he did his bookwork on Sunday afternoons because being a farmer he didn't have any other time to sit in his office. Farming is a little different now but my memories are from 30- 40 years ago.

I haven't been as faithful the last few years since my daughter-in-law took over the business paperwork for me. This past Monday I sat at my desk in my office and glanced at the calendar. Every week I would faithfully change the little wooden calendar that Daddy made and Mama painted. (The top of my desk rarely gets dusted, it is filled with little things that are precious to me, and the grandchildren know they are not allowed in my office unless they ask and I am with them.)

I looked at it again and the date jumped out at me. April 12. The day Emily and I left on our three week adventure together. In some ways I feel like my life just sort of stopped at that point. I've been busy, but my mind just hasn't been all in. I've been in undiagnosed pain since January, I even started using a cane to get around. Sometimes I couldn't even think straight and would get so discouraged. I felt like I had aged 20 years! But with pain killers and chiropractic care I was managing. During that time a new grandbaby was born. She is now 5 months old and such a beautiful and sweet tempered child. My oldest had a birthday and my 3^rd grandchild turned 6. We celebrated Amy's Homegoing Day, Easter and a week later Emily and I packed up and started driving west. The purpose of our trip was to visit with those who are special to Emily, to share about her plans and for her to say a “goodbye” for at least the next 4 years. She leaves for Southeast Asia in September.

We made stops in Illinois, Iowa, South Dakota and Missouri. Emily was so kind to me as she would help me out of the car, grab my cane, and even support me if the ground was slippery. We mostly stayed with friends of Emily, our first stop with a college friend in Chicago. In Iowa we stayed with my 81 year old aunt, just a mile away from the farm I grew up on. The young family who now own and work the farm invited us inside and it touched my heart to see the place I grew up in and called “home” for 57 years being so loved and cared for. We visited my parents, sister and grandparents graves and planted flowers. It was hard to say goodbye to my aunt. She is a wonderful woman, devoted to the Lord and prayer. 

 On to South Dakota where we stayed with friends of mine I have known since we were both teens. They have a beautiful ranch and we saw so many baby calves, ate good food, and talked about life. We also were able to see a few of their children and grandchildren. We drove farther west and met up with a college friend of Emily's and played tourist for a few days in the Black Hills and Badlands. Next to another of Emily's friends who also live on a ranch and we actually were able to see a calf being born, feed the horses and 100's of cows. 

Our last stop was in Kansas City with another of Emily's friends, but I have known her and her family since she was 3! We were also able to visit much of the extended family who lives nearby. 

We had such good times at each of the places we stayed at. As we traveled my pain started to decrease and now with dieting and exercise I am finally starting to feel like myself again.

I have been meaning to write about our trip and share pictures since we got home, but 2 whole months have passed and the words just wouldn't come. While we were away I got a message that my 21 year old niece was missing. A few days later her body was found. She was the baby cousin of my family, coming 11 years after my youngest child. She has two older siblings.  I was there when she was born, helping to take care of the older children. Her mom, my sister, was here 8 years ago helping me when Amy died. Now she is going through the grief of losing a child also. My heart aches for her. We don't live close so I can't be there to help her. I pray for her comfort and for healing. 

Time doesn't stop. It has a way of continuing, if we want it to or not.

Emily leaves in 2 months. As I said, I have been busy, taking care of the grandkids, gardening, the usual. But all with the thought of Emily's leaving. God took Amy to live with Him and gave me eight wonderful years with my youngest daughter for comfort and companionship. She is my best friend, but it is time for her to live her own life, the life that God has planned for her.

Most of the time I'm ok. But I do have my moments! A few weeks ago, as she was singing beside me in church, I wondered how I would be able to bare her not being here. Then today, we started the service with “Victory in Jesus” and also sang “Amazing Grace, My Chains Are Gone”, two of the songs that were 'Amy's songs', sung at her funeral. There were people sitting between us and I was holding the new baby, but if our eyes would have met, she would have understood my gaze.

That's what I'm going to miss. The connection to the grief, the growing, the leaning on the Lord, and the sharing what we have learned in His word.

Pastor Daryl shared the story of Helen Lemmel this morning. She was blind, her husband couldn't deal with her blindness and left her, and she lost her job. Yet she wrote this song:

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace.”

The things of earth will grow strangely dim....that's what I want.

I'm tired of thinking of death and living in the past. 

I want to look to the future. 

I want to keep my eyes on Jesus.

I planned to share pictures of cows, calves, horses, prairie dogs, big horn sheep and bison. Scenery of the places we saw. But what matters to my heart is the people. The people that God has put into my life and Emily's life to pray for her on this wonderful journey ahead that she is about to embark on.

   

   

I saw this quote by Lisa Harper "God turns graves into gardens....cemeteries into sanctuaries....weeping into rejoicing. Ultimately He really will work All things together for our good and His glory."  

I turned my calendar to July 4.

REMEMBER-DO NOT FORGET

What a year we have all just gone through! My word for 2020 was surrender. Did anyone ever guess that we all would have to surrender so much in our lives this past year? It was a good word to have, to dwell on for the year, to surrender daily to the Lord as He was and still is in control of everything.

As usual I have been giving much thought to the word God wants me to think upon this year. I had the privilege of doing a Bible study last fall, Jesus and Women In The First Century and Now by Kristi McLelland. It was very informative and after I finished my Advent study I decided to record what I learned in a condensed format in a notebook in case I ever needed to teach the lessons I had learned. I was surprised to realize how much I had forgotten in just a month and so I think this is something I will do as I finish each Bible study that is in a book format such as this one. So in this study the author teaches a lot of Hebrew words and their meanings. I decided to use one of them for my word for 2021, ZAKHAR. It means “to remember.” In the Bible God issues many commands, but He repeats one of them over and over—remember—do not forget.

I tend to remember my hurts and the things that have devastated me, but easily forget all God's little blessings, the beautiful grace filled moments He has given me. Remembering God's faithfulness in my life is the way I plan to step forward into the future. Remembering Him will give me the courage to trust with a renewed faith for this year. He has never failed me in the past and I know He will not fail me in the future.

My last blog was in July. The last half of last year was just as crazy as the first half, but we did make some memories. We had what will become our annual back-to-school sleepover at Grandpa and Grandma's house. It was just an August sleepover-in-a-tent-in-the-living room because the two oldest were just starting kindergarten! This year it will officially be a back-to-school (hopefully) and also possibly an outside event.

In September Bill and I took a small vacation of epic proportions. We drove down the Shenandoah Parkway and the Blue Ridge Parkway. The first four nights we stayed in a tent on an air mattress, until a hurricane went through, completely soaked us, and our air mattress got a leak. Both on the same night. God was clearly telling us that we are more RV people than tent people but once again we made wonderful memories and we were able to spend some time with Bill's sister and nephew in SC before we made the drive back home.

Birthdays were not celebrated all together in October as last year, due to busy schedules and quarantines. The oldest grandchild turned 6, Bill turned 70 and our son-in-law had a birthday also.

Emily's birthday was in November and was bittersweet as has been every event this past fall. She hopes to be in Southeast Asia by July, serving the Lord there for the rest of her life, as has been her desire since she was a little girl. We don't know what our country or the world situation will be like in the near future, but God holds her in His hands.

December brought the birthday of our youngest grandchild. He turned 3, a loving little tyke so advanced in his learning, I wonder what great plans God has for his life? I know it's going to be something very special.

We also started another yearly tradition in December—a nativity play at Christmas with the grandkids. The two oldest had to play double roles since the younger ones didn't want to be in it! So Will got to be Joseph and the angel and Mari played Mary and a shepherd. It was a lot of fun preparing and trying to keep it a secret from their parents.

Christmas is always a blessed time for me. What can be sweeter than celebrating the birth of our Savior? I still make a Jesus Birthday Cake, as my mother did, and we sing Happy Birthday to Jesus. I love to see the light reflecting in the eyes of my grandchildren as we sing to Jesus!

Even as the year seemed to drag on, looking back it has passed quickly and now a new year is here. I know for some of you reading this must think that remember might seem to be a strange word to focus on when the last year has been so hard. Actually the last 8 years have been difficult for our family. But God.... isn't that always Who we should be looking to? He has showered us with His faithfulness even in hard times.

And we have much to look forward to.....

Any day now our new little granddaughter will be making her entrance into this world.

Thank you Lord, for Your blessings to us.

Psalm 77:11-14

I will remember the works of the LORD;

Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.

I will also meditate on all Your work,

And talk of Your deeds.

Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;

Who is so great a God as our God?

Yor are the God who does wonders,

You have declared Your strength among the peoples